October 31, 2024

I’ve been… known. I was never Elvis-famous. I was never interested in that. It seemed like such a burden. Years ago I used to take my baby sister shopping during those last few days before Christmas when some of the stores were open overnight. I told her this was “Elvis Shopping”, and related the story of how E’vis (that’s how your pronounce it—there’s no “L” in E’vis) used to call Sears and say he was coming down to do his shopping tonight and they would close the store as usual at 9pm but then open it back up again for him after 11pm some time. And he’d wander around and get this for Sonny and that for Red and one of those for Momma and so on without having to deal with the unwashed hordes of fans there in Memphis.

I used to work at a semi-automated radio station just south of town. I’d spend a few minutes before the top of the hour and do the weather, a little bit of the news and billboard a few upcoming songs and then I could sit back and read, build HeathKit tools and so on. Some folks drank, but I never did while I was on the air. Anyway, one night I was having difficulty with The Hunger. I did-up the next hour of weather and so on and put a scotch tape dispenser in the door and drove my car to the nearest Valentino’s Pizza and picked up a Medium Pepperoni with Extra Cheese and and the gal behind the register said that I sounded familiar… and at that moment, “I” came on the radio and announced it was 43º or something and she freaked. That was the only time that ever happened to me.

So no, I was never Elvis-famous but I could get a check cashed at any Hinky-Dinky in town. It was kind of nice.

Later on I became a freelance writer. I wrote mostly for computer magazines and that was kind of cool. I’d get an idea, or an assignment, and six or eight weeks later I’d have a page in the next issue. And I’d be “famous” for a week or ten days until everyone who was going to had read the piece and thrown it out. Then I was a civilian again until the next issue came out.

I hear that people who get seriously famous very often have trouble with it. I guess I’m glad I missed out on that. A few people noticed when my Nebraska Lottery commercials were running, but mostly I’ve been pretty anonymous for a long while, now.

How about you? Were you ever famous?

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